I’m not failing

Every other Wednesday a bunch of mothers get together at the church in my neck of the woods for a MOPS meeting.

This year we have a wonderful discussion theme : Plunge, Love as if your life depends on it.

This week we were talking about making and keeping relationships while struggling with motherhood.  While watching the short movie I could not relate to it. The Mom in the movie was talking about the real face of motherhood: the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, the crumbs on the table and on the floor, the ceiling high pile of laundry.

I’m a clean sort of freak, I can’t stand the dirty floor, the pile of dishes in the sink and the overflowing laundry baskets.

I’m all the time cleaning, doing dishes and laundry, cooking and baking all while making lunch for the dolls and attending tea parties.

And I thought I was happy.

I thought having a house that looks like cropped from a real-estate magazine is happiness.

I thought making dinner from scratch for my family every single night is happiness.

I thought having clean and ironed clothes is happiness.

In the afternoon, while arranging the closet placing the hoodies and long sleeve shirts handy it got me thinking. Was I really happy?

What really makes me happy?

My wonderful husband and daughter came to mind, they make me happy, without them I would probably be doing something else.

This little blog of mine makes me happy, sharing my baking adventures, having you here. Without you I probably have this blog private.

While arranging the clothes the voice of one of my friends was echoing in the back of my head : No matter what you do, you’re a great Mom.

I’ve been struggling for the last couple of years to be the perfect Wife and Mom. The one you see in the movies (no, I’m not actually vacuuming while wearing heals) : the Wonder Woman.

More and more I felt like I’m a robot set to clean and please everyone, but what about ME?

Do I make myself happy?

I was surprised when my inner voice answered “NO”.

No, all the things I thought were making me happy were just an image I created.

Of course, spending as much time with hubby and Tiffany is what makes me happy, but in the same time, waiting till the next day to do laundry it’s not the end of the world.

Occasionally leaving the dirty dishes in the sink overnight it’s not going to kill anyone.

It’s OK to have a not-so-perfect house, we’re making memories.

I’ll still be Roxana. Mom and Wife.

I’m not failing. I’m as perfect as I can be.

My family is perfect!

We love each other to the moon and back and that’s all that matters.

I’ll stop seeing the empty glass and instead of saying “my two-year old is not potty trained”  I’ll say “my two-year old reads Cinderella from cover to cover all by herself and knows most of the 50 states”

Motherhood is hard. I’ll just have to do the best I can while making everyone happy, including myself.

 

I apologize for the random post today, I’ll be back on Monday with a new recipe : Chocolate Dulce de Leche Cake. You can see the photos here

Chocolate Dulce de Leche Cake

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    Hello! My name is Roxana and I'm a self-taught baker, wanna-be photographer and the writer behind Roxana's Home Baking, where I share original and adapted scratch recipes. 

Here you'll find no fuss, no hassle easy recipes with ingredients you most likely already have in your kitchen.  Read more ....

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Comments

  1. Carol | a cup of mascarpone says

    Roxanna, I so enjoyed reading this lovely post! Although my children are grown I can still relate to the “perfection” syndrome. You are so right with the realization you came to! Have a beautiful day! Carol

  2. says

    I’m glad you shared this, Roxana! I think as women we often struggle with thoughts of striving for perfection. As you realized, we eventually discover what truly matters and what we can let go of. I hope you have a wonderful day loving your family and celebrating the sweetness of each day! :) xo

  3. says

    Roxana, from what I know about you, the word failure would never come to mind. We all have to take a step back sometimes to evaluate our lives and I’m glad you concluded that you are right where you need to be; we’re certainly happy for it. :)

  4. says

    you are an awesome mother roxie!
    i have been reading your posts for over a year now and they way you talk about your family, your house , your love for baking just shows that you are a lovely, happy person. don’t let that ever change :)

  5. says

    Roxana, every now and then you have to take a step back and take a good look at what’s important. I can tell you, just from knowing you through your blog, you are an amazing mom. I didn’t know about your cleaning handicap or the potty training. What I do know is when you post, you share bits of yourself and your family with us and the love you have for them comes through. I used to want to be the “cool” mom but I found through my children that they didn’t want me to be cool, they wanted me to be the mom I already am. The mom that makes everyone come to the table for dinner with the tv off. The mom that will only volunteer to work the school store in the mornings but not much else at the schools. The mom that lets them be in the kitchen with me baking and letting them lick the beaters.
    And if you’re still having trouble leaving the ironing until the next day, I’ll send you some of mine, I don’t iron at all! Hugs my friend!

  6. Karen says

    My kids have grown (I still can’t believe that) and they’re both in college. I remember the years you are in now, with the cleaning and being pulled in different directions, and always so busy with little time for myself. But life goes in stages, and this one you are in will pass by quicker than you think, and the kids will be older and spending more time with their friends next, and you’ll have a little more time. Then they will be getting ready for college, and you probably won’t be ready for that. But when they go, it’s such a great time because you’ll have a different relationship with them and you can spend weekends with them and shop and eat, and know they are alright without you. Sorry for the long comment. Pls enjoy this stage and you’ll find happiness at each next stage too.

  7. says

    I feel so great reading your post Roxana. Thank you for reminding us what’s important and we take one thing at a time. From what I know about you, you are already amazing mom and wife (and thought you are vacuuming with heels – just kidding!). Take good care and cherish every moment with family. :)

  8. says

    It is so hard to be a Mom. Such a double standard out there, and we all think we need to be perfect. It is ok for our houses now to be perfect, for our kids not to be dressed perfectly everytime we leave the house. Focusing on making memories with our families is way more important. 10 years from now our kids will remember the things we did with them, not the dishes in the sink.

  9. Anita @ Hungry Couple says

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am not a mother but I am a busy woman who has to find time for work, man, home and self. I’m also a perfectionist like you so it’s always a balancing act. But that also makes life interesting. I have no doubt that you’re a great mom!

  10. says

    I can relate to wanting the house to look perfect too. I am so much that way. But like everything we do, it’s all about moderation. I don’t clean the house everyday anymore. Instead, I do a quick daily pick up, and do a my heavier cleaning once or twice a week. It gives me so much more time to do other things I enjoy. It takes a little practice but you can get use to it :)

  11. says

    Roxana, this post is so inspirational! Moms need to know that they matter, loving themselves matters, and taking time to make ourselves happy is really important. If we want our kids to be happy we have to show them how by making ourselves happy too. I wish you fun discoveries on what makes you happy. You deserve to enjoy! :)

    For me personally, it really helps when my husband takes the kids and gives me some time to myself. It recharges me.

  12. @bluenotebacker says

    I’ve lived the majority of my life trying (with mixed success) to make everyone else around me happy while completely ignoring my own happiness. Since I’ve been a divorced dad I’ve realized that I can make those around me SO much happier by ensuring that I am happy too. Funny how that works ;) Thanks for sharing!

  13. says

    This is what it is all about , “we’re making memories.” so true~ I follow that mantra…and I always have dirty dishes, they can wait~
    You are a great mommy~

  14. says

    Roxana…what a wonderful post! I think you have the right idea. My boys are grown and out. But one thing that I learned a little later than sooner is that sometimes your family has to see you set aside doing things for them to do the things you enjoy and make you happy…outside of them. It shows them that you value yourself, and that’s the best example you could ever set for them. Kudos to you girl…you’re on the right track! : )

  15. says

    Roxana I’ve been a stay at home mom for 24 years now. Let me tell you a little something I wish someone had told me a long time ago, “don’t be so hard on yourself”. The fact that you care enough to worry about being a good mom means you are one. None of us are perfect and we all need to learn to let the little things go. You will never regret spending time with your kids. It’s just not possible. So enjoy those little moments, they make it all worthwhile. And on those days where you need some mom time or have things you need to do, don’t feel guilty. It’s important that kids know you have other things in your life. You are doing an amazing job.

  16. says

    I love this Roxana. I really really do. I’ve been struggling with this too. I’ve been feeling so burnt out trying to keep everything up. Just in the last little while I’ve kind of thrown in the towel on having everything “perfect”. I can’t keep up with everything and still spend the amount of quality time with my kids that I want to. And that’s OK… Everything else can wait :)
    From this post and the other little bits and pieces you’ve shared in other posts I know you’re an amazing mom :)

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